Fear and trembling, love and justice

 
Walking into fears like walking into the anxious fluttering in my chest
That existential shakiness
That shaking of the foundations of myself. But it is in that shaking,
That is found the awe and wonder of the Lord.
Fear is what makes us tremble and cower and whimper
And feel sorry for our poor benighted selves
Yet fear of God is what makes us real.
How am I to understand that paradox?
The fear is real
It makes me crumble and fall
It makes me call myself stupid for daring to stand up
For daring to fight the lies,
For daring to challenge injustice.
How stupid, you fool, my inner voices say
Don’t you know you can’t win?
Don’t you know the snakes will always outwit you?
What is the point -
Of telling the truth to liars?
Because, my other voices say
If I don’t tell the truth then I too will lie
And if I lie I might as well lie supine on my grave
Saying, “walk all over me, what do I care?”
But they, the snakes, will walk and slither all over you anyway,
You fool, why not be clever, why not try to beat them
At their own game?
Because, the voice of the Lord says,
Their game has no rules
It has no limits, it has no bounds,
And that is where the wickedness seeps in -
Through all the broken fences.
I have to say “enough! No more! You do not speak the truth”
The truth will set us free, it is said
And yet truth- sayers are battered and slaughtered
Broken and maimed,
Forgotten and ignored -
Left to suffer and die.
Yet still, we must speak truth and seek justice in this world, as far as we are able -
At most, to seek the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth,
At least, in the hope and expectation of Judgement and Justice in the worlds beyond.

Clive Perrett